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Top secret microsoft code

/*
  TOP SECRET Microsoft(c)  Code
  Project: Chicago(tm)
  Projected release-date: Summer 1998
*/

 #include "win31.h"
 #include "win95.h"
 #include "evenmore.h"
 #include "oldstuff.h"
 #include "billrulz.h"
 #define INSTALL = HARD

 char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

 void main()
 {
    while(!CRASHED)
    {
         display_copyright_message();
         display_bill_rules_message();
         do_nothing_loop();
         if (first_time_installation)
         {
            make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
            do_nothing_loop();
            totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
            search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
            hang_system();
         }
         write_something(anything);
         display_copyright_message();
         do_nothing_loop();
         do_some_stuff();
         if (still_not_crashed)
         {
             display_copyright_message();
             do_nothing_loop();
             basically_run_windows_3.1();
             do_nothing_loop();
             do_nothing_loop();
         }
    }

    if (detect_cache())
        disable_cache();

    if (fast_cpu())
    {
         set_wait_states(lots);
         set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
         set_mouse(action, jumpy);
         set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
    }

    /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
    /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
    printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
    if (system_ok())
          crash(to_dos_prompt);
    else
         system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

    while(something)
    {
         sleep(5);
         get_user_input();
         sleep(5);
         act_on_user_input();
         sleep(5);
    }
    create_general_protection_fault();
}

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