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The National Lottery

Railway operator RailCrack has today announced a surprise late bid to run the national lottery.

'We've been running a bloody lottery on the rail network for years', said Ronnie Corbett, RailCrack's Chief Executive, 'so this is a natural progression'.

Under the proposals, a player will buy a 'season ticket' to make five return journeys a week at peak times. 'You nominate timetabled trains for each day, and if all ten come in on time and in one piece you win the jackpot', he said, 'a reserved seat in first class for the rest of your life, or a year, whichever is shorter'.

Corbett confirmed that RailCrack were going to be giving over a significant amount of money to good causes: '.. things like leaves on the line, floods and vandalism - These are good causes that we can blame on other people, as opposed to bad causes like dodgy track or faulty signalling, which we're in danger of being held responsible for ourselves'.

RailCrack is the main player in the Crashalot consortium formed for the franchise bid. Other backers include US software giant Micro$haft who promise to put in new machines that make buying a ticket a lottery in itself.

Crashalot are also planning a special 'Rollover' game, where players pick the next scheduled train service they think will roll over.

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