DILBERT'S 24 RULES OF ORDER
- I can only please one person per day. Today is
not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound
they make as they go flying by.
- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to
get along without it.
- Accept that some days you are the pigeon and
some days the statue.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If
he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't
be needing him again.
- I don't have an attitude problem, you have a
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars
in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck
is the ceiling?
- My reality check bounced.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger
on the escape key.
- I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
- You are slower than a herd of turtles
stampeding through peanut butter.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons,
because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
- Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down
to their level, then beat you with experience.
- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters
from a kick in the butt.
- Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.
- After any salary raise, you will have less
money at the end of the month than you did before.
- The more crap you put up with, the more crap
you are going to get.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look
serious and carry a clipboard.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and
nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and
- Following the rules will not get the job done.
- When confronted by a difficult problem, you can
solve it more easily by reducing it to the question,
" How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"