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hardy folk

50 degrees: New Yorkers turn on the heat. People in Scotland plant gardens.

40 degrees: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland sunbathe.

35 degrees: Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down.

20 degrees: Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.

15 degrees: Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Scotland go swimming.

Zero degrees: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Scotland have the last bbq before it gets cold.

10 degrees below zero: People in Miami cease to exist. People in Scotland lick flagpoles.

20 degrees below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.

80 degrees below zero: Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Scottish Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

100 degrees below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Scotland pull down their ear flaps.

173 degrees below zero: Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Scotland get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.

297 degrees below zero: Microbial life start to disappear. Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 degrees below zero: ALL atomic motion stops. People in Scotland start saying "chilly, you caal an ah?"

500 degrees below zero: Hell freezes over. English commentators watch an international football match without crowing about 1966.

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