Extracts from actual letters sent to various local councils in the
- I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my
- I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put
his foot in the hole in his back passage.
- Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my
- I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside
toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
- The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
- I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.
- Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped
and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
- I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
- Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is
about to become an expectant mother.
- I am still having trouble with smoke in my built-in drawers.
- The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
- Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour
and not fit to drink.
- Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces.
- Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age
pensioner and need it straight away.
- I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at
6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too
- The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
- Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third
so will you please send someone around to do something about it.
- I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if
you could do something about the noise made by
the man I have on top of me every night
- Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the
- I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but
still have no satisfaction.
- We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden
before we move into the house.
- This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't