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The New Viz Profanisaurus 2000

Air Buffet:
A lingering gaseous meal, larger than an air biscuit.

Particularly energetic wank.

Arse Spider:
Tenacious well knotted winnit that cannot be removed without bringing 8 spindly hairs with it.

Audition the finger puppets:
A single-act, one man show not suitable for children.

Autograph the gusset:
To allow the turtles head to sign the inside of your underpants.

Bacon strips:
External female genitalia.

Barnes Wallace:
The type of turd that sends a splash of water onto your undercarriage after release from the bomb bay.

Beaded curtain:
A luxuriant crop of clagnuts.

Beef box:
A container into which sausages are put.

Benny Hill:
Rhyming slang, female contraceptive.

A particularly hairy minge.

Bilge tanks:
"Double gut" effect caused by too tight a belt.

The blind dirt snake:
A malodorous, legless lizard inhabiting cak canyon which migrates south every morning.

Brown Daisy:
Unpleasantly scented flower which attracts flies rather than bees.

Budgies tongue:
Descriptive, the female erective bit!!

Bum Goblin:
A gnarled malevolent turd that jumps out behind you casting a painful spell on your ringpiece!

Acronym, "Be upstairs ready my angel" See POLO.

Acronym "Panties off, legs open!"

Abbr, "Blue veined hooligan" A six inch tall, one eyed skinhead.

Extremely large piles.

Cider Visor:
Beer goggles for the younger drinker.

Clapping fish:
Female genitalia.

One handed reading material.

One who is addicted to cockahol.

Conkers deep:
To be in a state of deep penetration.

Cough your filthy yoghurt:
Romantic expression for ejaculation.

A sock worn the morning after being used as a wank-mop.

Dingleberry roast:
Lighted farts.

Disco fanny:
The full strength flavour achieved after 6 hours on a dance floor in PVC trousers.

Ditch Pig:
Affectionate term for an ugly fat girl.

Dizzy Gillespie:
A formidable blast from the spunk trumpet where the ladies cheeks puff out like a bullfrog's.

Double basing:
To have sex from behind while fiddling with the ladies left nipple with one hand and her budgies tongue with the other, a position similar to the one adopted for playing the double bass, though the sound is slightly different.

Drop fudge:
Pinch a loaf, crimp one off, have a shit!

Drown some kittens:
To drown a litter of small stools.

Eating sushi off a barber shop floor:

Face fannies:

Feeding the pony:
One handed feeding of a lady's toothless gibbon.

Fertle, ferkyfoodle:
To feed a lady's pony through her dung hampers.

Five pinter:
A very ugly woman you would only chat-up after five pints.

Fizzy gravy:
Rusty water, diahorrea.

Abbr, Fanny like a mouses ear

Flat as a kippers dick:
Descriptive of unleavened baps.

Free the tadpoles:
To liberate the residents of ones wank tanks.

The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

Fud Slush:
Scottish fanny batter usually smeared on the face when eating a haddock pastie.

Exclm, may be uttered when seeing a large pair of breasts.

A ginger persons gorilla salad.

The little pointed bit that hangs outside your rusty sheriffs badge after you've had a Gladys.

Rhyming slang, To defecate, from Gladys Knight.

Granny's oysters:
Elderly female genitalia.

Very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Hairy Scallops:
Furry shellfish to be eaten when bearded clams are out of season.

Hand-to-gland combat:
Vigorous three minute bout of gladiatorial combat involving a Spam javelin.

Welly top, horses collar. Descriptive of a large vagina.

Kojaks moneybox:
The German helmet.

Lord of the pies:
Salad dodger, barge arse, Danny Baker.

Mexican lipstick:
Embarrassing facial tide mark found after eating out.

Men in the rigging:
Small tagnuts found in the hairs of sailors arses.

Ming the merciless:
Death by chocolate starfish.

Monkey bath:
A bath so hot when lowering yourself in you go Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!.

The act of creeping up on your mother and shouting Rar!

Acronym, Knickers off ready when I come home

Opera house:
A large vagina, with heavy pink safety curtains.

A Femidom.

Acronym, Pig In Knickers.

Pumpers Lump:
The condition of enhanced right arm muscle due to excessive wanking.

Quim Chin, Muff mouth:
A bearded fellow.

Release the chocolate hostage:
To liberate Richard the third.

Ripped out fireplace:
A much swept out skin chimney.

Roy Castle's last blow:
A pathetic whimpering fart.

Rhyming slang, gorilla salad.

A particularly lubricated Kipper Mitten.

Starfish Trooper:
An Arsestronaut..

Tit Pants:
A Bra.

Tongue Punchbag, Small man in a boat:
See Budgie's Tongue.

Two Bagger:
Someone so ugly that two bags are required, one to cover their head and one to cover yours in case theirs falls off.

Up on the blocks:
Monthly MOT failure due to recurring leak under the Beatle Bonnet.

Advisory abbr, Up the bum, No babies!

Walnut Whip:
A minor operation that removes the cram but leaves the nuts intact.

Wet as an otters pocket:
Descriptive as to the moistness of a ladies kipper mitten.

Wuffle nuts:
The fruits of the dingleberry tree.

Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

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