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The New Viz Profanisaurus 2000

Air Buffet:
A lingering gaseous meal, larger than an air biscuit.

Armbreaker:
Particularly energetic wank.

Arse Spider:
Tenacious well knotted winnit that cannot be removed without bringing 8 spindly hairs with it.

Audition the finger puppets:
A single-act, one man show not suitable for children.

Autograph the gusset:
To allow the turtles head to sign the inside of your underpants.

Bacon strips:
External female genitalia.

Barnes Wallace:
The type of turd that sends a splash of water onto your undercarriage after release from the bomb bay.

Beaded curtain:
A luxuriant crop of clagnuts.

Beef box:
A container into which sausages are put.

Benny Hill:
Rhyming slang, female contraceptive.

Biffer:
A particularly hairy minge.

Bilge tanks:
"Double gut" effect caused by too tight a belt.

The blind dirt snake:
A malodorous, legless lizard inhabiting cak canyon which migrates south every morning.

Brown Daisy:
Unpleasantly scented flower which attracts flies rather than bees.

Budgies tongue:
Descriptive, the female erective bit!!

Bum Goblin:
A gnarled malevolent turd that jumps out behind you casting a painful spell on your ringpiece!

Burma:
Acronym, "Be upstairs ready my angel" See POLO.

POLO:
Acronym "Panties off, legs open!"

B.V.H:
Abbr, "Blue veined hooligan" A six inch tall, one eyed skinhead.

Chugnuts:
Extremely large piles.

Cider Visor:
Beer goggles for the younger drinker.

Clapping fish:
Female genitalia.

Cliterature:
One handed reading material.

Cockoholic:
One who is addicted to cockahol.

Conkers deep:
To be in a state of deep penetration.

Cough your filthy yoghurt:
Romantic expression for ejaculation.

Crunchie:
A sock worn the morning after being used as a wank-mop.

Dingleberry roast:
Lighted farts.

Disco fanny:
The full strength flavour achieved after 6 hours on a dance floor in PVC trousers.

Ditch Pig:
Affectionate term for an ugly fat girl.

Dizzy Gillespie:
A formidable blast from the spunk trumpet where the ladies cheeks puff out like a bullfrog's.

Double basing:
To have sex from behind while fiddling with the ladies left nipple with one hand and her budgies tongue with the other, a position similar to the one adopted for playing the double bass, though the sound is slightly different.

Drop fudge:
Pinch a loaf, crimp one off, have a shit!

Drown some kittens:
To drown a litter of small stools.

Eating sushi off a barber shop floor:
Cunnulingus.

Face fannies:
Sideburns.

Feeding the pony:
One handed feeding of a lady's toothless gibbon.

Fertle, ferkyfoodle:
To feed a lady's pony through her dung hampers.

Five pinter:
A very ugly woman you would only chat-up after five pints.

Fizzy gravy:
Rusty water, diahorrea.

FLAME:
Abbr, Fanny like a mouses ear

Flat as a kippers dick:
Descriptive of unleavened baps.

Free the tadpoles:
To liberate the residents of ones wank tanks.

Fuckshitfuckshitsuckshit:
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

Fud Slush:
Scottish fanny batter usually smeared on the face when eating a haddock pastie.

Funbagtastic:
Exclm, may be uttered when seeing a large pair of breasts.

Fuse-wire:
A ginger persons gorilla salad.

Geetle:
The little pointed bit that hangs outside your rusty sheriffs badge after you've had a Gladys.

Gladys:
Rhyming slang, To defecate, from Gladys Knight.

Granny's oysters:
Elderly female genitalia.

Greyhound:
Very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Hairy Scallops:
Furry shellfish to be eaten when bearded clams are out of season.

Hand-to-gland combat:
Vigorous three minute bout of gladiatorial combat involving a Spam javelin.

Hefty-clefty:
Welly top, horses collar. Descriptive of a large vagina.

Kojaks moneybox:
The German helmet.

Lord of the pies:
Salad dodger, barge arse, Danny Baker.

Mexican lipstick:
Embarrassing facial tide mark found after eating out.

Men in the rigging:
Small tagnuts found in the hairs of sailors arses.

Ming the merciless:
Death by chocolate starfish.

Monkey bath:
A bath so hot when lowering yourself in you go Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!.

Mumrar:
The act of creeping up on your mother and shouting Rar!

NORWICH:
Acronym, Knickers off ready when I come home

Opera house:
A large vagina, with heavy pink safety curtains.

Pie-Liner:
A Femidom.

PIK:
Acronym, Pig In Knickers.

Pumpers Lump:
The condition of enhanced right arm muscle due to excessive wanking.

Quim Chin, Muff mouth:
A bearded fellow.

Release the chocolate hostage:
To liberate Richard the third.

Ripped out fireplace:
A much swept out skin chimney.

Roy Castle's last blow:
A pathetic whimpering fart.

Rubik's:
Rhyming slang, gorilla salad.

Splinge:
A particularly lubricated Kipper Mitten.

Starfish Trooper:
An Arsestronaut..

Tit Pants:
A Bra.

Tongue Punchbag, Small man in a boat:
See Budgie's Tongue.

Two Bagger:
Someone so ugly that two bags are required, one to cover their head and one to cover yours in case theirs falls off.

Up on the blocks:
Monthly MOT failure due to recurring leak under the Beatle Bonnet.

UTBNB:
Advisory abbr, Up the bum, No babies!

Walnut Whip:
A minor operation that removes the cram but leaves the nuts intact.

Wet as an otters pocket:
Descriptive as to the moistness of a ladies kipper mitten.

Wuffle nuts:
The fruits of the dingleberry tree.

X-Piles:
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

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