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Jamaican Style Story Telling

One day dis rich man was having a party at him yard. Him was loaded, and he had everything; money, a big house pon di hills, drugs, girls, cars, planes; anything him wanted. Dis man was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles.

So there he was, him and him fren dem, all standing around drinking,getting high and partying next to de pool. Den him get up pon di lifegard tower and all him fren dem look up. Him call for silence and says "OK, the first person fi swim cross mi pool will get all mi money."

Nobody nuh move. Him look ova di crowd, draw pon him joint and says"OK, di first person fi swim cross di pool gets all mi money and mi house."

Still nobody nuh move. "OK den, the first person fi swims across mi pool gets all mi money, mi house and all mi cars and planes."

Still, nobody nuh move, not even a eye blink dis time.

"OK den, all mi money, mi house, all mi cars, all mi planes, all the dope yuh can handle, all mi property, all mi stocks and bonds and investments and all di girls yuh can handle; everyting mi own."

"Splash!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but him roll ova like Tarzan, him all over di place, fighting and dodging.

Finally him get outta di pool on the other side. Di rich man on di tower jumps down and runs over to him.

"Hey man, dat was incredible! I neva thought that mi woulda ever see dat done."

"Yuh want di money now or latah?"
"Ah don't want di money."
"Yuh want di house now or latah?"
"Ah don't want di house."
"Yuh want di cars and planes now or latah?"
"Ah don't want the cars or di planes."
"Yuh want di bonds, stocks and stuff now or latah?"
"Ah don't want none ah dat."
"Yuh want di girls now or latah?"
"Ah don't want di girls."
Di rich man look pon him and seh "Woh what de hell yuh want?!?!"
"Ah want di rashole boombooclat who push me inna di pool."

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