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Over the Internet, we hear of God's role in the forthcoming Scotland-England Euro 2000 qualifier. Due to an unfortunate accident before the game, both Kevin Keegan and Craig Brown die and are taken up to Heaven.

Kevin Keegan is keen to know which nation which win the play-off. God says that first they have to go on a wee tour of heaven.

They come to a lovely small, detached cottage with thatched roof and a St George flag fluttering in the garden. "That's your house," God tells Keegan.

Slightly further on, they see a huge castle in the Scottish style with the Saltire flying proudly from a turret.

"That's unfair," Keegan says to God. "How come Craig Brown has got a bigger house than me?"

"No, Kevin," God explains. "That's where I live."

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