Rugby News Flash
Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing "The
Haka" before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest
pre-match rituals of their own.
- The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the
air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how
they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair
that everyone can beat them now.
- The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before
smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.
- The Ireland team will spilt into two, with the Southern half
performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route
from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.
- Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.
- Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition
territory claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forceably
removed by the Stewards.
- Two members of the South African team will claim to be more
important than the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts
whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
- The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years
they will alter the records to show that they were in fact the most
important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called
"Saving No8 Lyle".
- Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the
rest of the side to ransom.
- The Italian team will arrive in red penis substituting cars,
sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.
- The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch mow it and
then claim that it was all in line with the European "grass quotas". They
will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.
- The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good
salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the
pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground
(with a subsidy from the UK Government).
- The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the
opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the
halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn the
- The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative
singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to
come and live with them in Sheperds Bush before beating up all the women
on the touchline.